"Not even for $50 million?"
"Nope."
"What about back-end?"
"Sir, even without Bale this movie will cost us at least half a billion to make and market. I've been crunching the numbers and I can assure you were are not in a position to offer him back-end."
"Well, why the hell won't he do it for $50 mill up front? That's a shitload of money."
"I dunno, something about wanting to move on to new artistic heights or some B.S. like that."
"New artistic heights? Does he think he would have gotten to make his awards bait if it hadn't been for the exposure the Dark Knight movies gave him?"
"Well, that's what he said."
"Screw him, then. There are a whole truckload of buff twenty and thirty-something actors banging on our door who can put on fiberglass muscles and a cookie monster voice. We don't need that pretentious British shit. So let's look at that list of unknowns then."
"Well, that's what he said."
"Screw him, then. There are a whole truckload of buff twenty and thirty-something actors banging on our door who can put on fiberglass muscles and a cookie monster voice. We don't need that pretentious British shit. So let's look at that list of unknowns then."
"I don't think you understand the magnitude of the problem we have here."
"Problem? What problem?"
"Nobody on our list wanted to be the Batman that came after Christian Bale. The guy's basically a god to Batman fanboys. It's like...replacing Connery as Bond!"
"What? Isn't there anyone on our list who wants the job?"
"Umm...basically...nnno."
"Not even the D-listers?"
"The D-listers least of all, sir. No one wants to be the Batman equivalent of Brandon Routh. It wasn't like when we cast Bale, sir. After Batman and Robin killed the franchise nobody gave a shit who we put in the costume; we had carte blanche!"
"Shut up! I'm thinking here..."
"Sir?"
"Okay, here's what we do; we look up the actors who are fanboys, the guys that would basically beg us for the job. You know, people like Reynolds, Snipes, Cage...Cage! What's he doing lately? Doesn't he need money to bail him out of his tax problems?"
"We started getting on the phone with Cage the first time Bale said no, sir. We wanted to hedge our bets."
"And?"
"He's busy sir. Same with Reynolds and Snipes. Cage was actually willing to drop his project to work on this but the people he was working with threatened to sue."
"Shit! Wait...what about that kid who did Argo for us last year?"
"Ben...Affleck, sir?"
"That's the one! The kid from Good Will Hunting! What?"
"I'm sorry, sir. I just...threw up in my mouth a little."
"What are you talking about? He won an Oscar, didn't he?"
"Sir, he won an Oscar for PRODUCING Argo (though people say he should have won one for directing it too), and before that he won an Oscar for co-writing Good Will Hunting with Matt Damon, but he...isn't widely regarded as a particularly good actor..."
"Doesn't matter, we can still put 'two-time Academy Award winner' on all the marketing materials. And besides, didn't he play a superhero already?"
"Yes, sir, he was the title character in Daredevil."
"See? So what's the problem?"
"THAT'S the problem, sir. Daredevil was a quantifiably terrible movie. The only reason it even made any money was that it played like a low-rent Spider-Man and people basically just needed their superhero fix. In fact, if I may venture to say so, the fact that Affleck played the character like a poor man's Batman is probably one of the biggest reasons why he'd be a horrible choice for the role."
"Stop talking like a nerd. It'll be fine. Anyway, fanboys are morons; we can tell them Affleck's an award-winning actor and they won't know the difference. Anyway, even if they don't like it, they'll line up to see the movie no matter how much they bitch online, especially if we can sneak in some writing or producing credit for Christopher Nolan. Get him to fart on this treatment I had some of the boys write so we can give him some 'story by' billing. But that can come later. Get Affleck's agent on the phone first."
"Right away, sir."
"Oh, and after that, get on the phone with whoever has the video rights to Daredevil; let's see if we can get them to pull it off Netflix for a couple of years. And start buying up all the Daredevil DVDs you can find, online or in the stores. And do the same thing for Gigli. No sense in taking unnecessary risks here."
"S-sir?"
"Don't worry about the costs; we can write it off to marketing expenses."
"All, right, sir. Right away."
"Excellent. Now let's make a movie!"
"The D-listers least of all, sir. No one wants to be the Batman equivalent of Brandon Routh. It wasn't like when we cast Bale, sir. After Batman and Robin killed the franchise nobody gave a shit who we put in the costume; we had carte blanche!"
"Shut up! I'm thinking here..."
"Sir?"
"Okay, here's what we do; we look up the actors who are fanboys, the guys that would basically beg us for the job. You know, people like Reynolds, Snipes, Cage...Cage! What's he doing lately? Doesn't he need money to bail him out of his tax problems?"
"We started getting on the phone with Cage the first time Bale said no, sir. We wanted to hedge our bets."
"And?"
"He's busy sir. Same with Reynolds and Snipes. Cage was actually willing to drop his project to work on this but the people he was working with threatened to sue."
"Shit! Wait...what about that kid who did Argo for us last year?"
"Ben...Affleck, sir?"
"That's the one! The kid from Good Will Hunting! What?"
"I'm sorry, sir. I just...threw up in my mouth a little."
"What are you talking about? He won an Oscar, didn't he?"
"Sir, he won an Oscar for PRODUCING Argo (though people say he should have won one for directing it too), and before that he won an Oscar for co-writing Good Will Hunting with Matt Damon, but he...isn't widely regarded as a particularly good actor..."
"Doesn't matter, we can still put 'two-time Academy Award winner' on all the marketing materials. And besides, didn't he play a superhero already?"
"Yes, sir, he was the title character in Daredevil."
"See? So what's the problem?"
"THAT'S the problem, sir. Daredevil was a quantifiably terrible movie. The only reason it even made any money was that it played like a low-rent Spider-Man and people basically just needed their superhero fix. In fact, if I may venture to say so, the fact that Affleck played the character like a poor man's Batman is probably one of the biggest reasons why he'd be a horrible choice for the role."
"Stop talking like a nerd. It'll be fine. Anyway, fanboys are morons; we can tell them Affleck's an award-winning actor and they won't know the difference. Anyway, even if they don't like it, they'll line up to see the movie no matter how much they bitch online, especially if we can sneak in some writing or producing credit for Christopher Nolan. Get him to fart on this treatment I had some of the boys write so we can give him some 'story by' billing. But that can come later. Get Affleck's agent on the phone first."
"Right away, sir."
"Oh, and after that, get on the phone with whoever has the video rights to Daredevil; let's see if we can get them to pull it off Netflix for a couple of years. And start buying up all the Daredevil DVDs you can find, online or in the stores. And do the same thing for Gigli. No sense in taking unnecessary risks here."
"S-sir?"
"Don't worry about the costs; we can write it off to marketing expenses."
"All, right, sir. Right away."
"Excellent. Now let's make a movie!"
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